But what does it mean?
"Meaning" is a loaded word because communication is a two-way street. In any given interaction, there are four steps:
What you say
What you mean
What the other person/parties hear
What they make it mean
The opportunity for miscommunication exists in each of these steps, or at multiple steps. You may mean something real specific, but the way the other person hears it and filters it leads them to make it mean something entirely different.
You're the luckiest if you catch the miscommunication in real-time and can work with the other person to achieve shared meaning. More often than not when meaning is missed, the listener walks away:
a) with an entirely different idea in their head and moves in the direction they assume was correct
b) confused
c) frustrated
d) discouraged
e) any or all of the above
It happens to humans all the time. It’s just that we don’t talk about it enough.
How can you ensure what you mean as the meaning-maker (step 1) comes across 100% clearly at the end of the interaction (step 4)?
One tactic to consider whether you're the speaker or the receiver:
Paraphrasing if you're the speaker/"meaning-maker":
Literally ask the other party to recap what they just heard you say. This gives you the ability to refine anything that may have not come across clearly to them. It sounds like this, “Can you humor me? I want to make sure we’re on the same page. Can you repeat back what you just heard me say?
Paraphrasing If you're the listener/receiver:
Recap the conversation by saying "to confirm I'm understanding correctly, XYZ" or "what I'm hearing is ABC, is that accurate or is there anything I've missed?" This flips the conversation around and lets the speaker clarify anything that merits a revisit while you're both still in the room.
This is a muscle. The more you practice, the stronger it gets.
